Running with Jesus

Stats: Jesus resided in San Diego and enjoys hiking.  He has had a couple of serious relationships over the last ten years but has recently become single.  In searching for friendship, Jesus has turned to homosexual dating websites to find someone to run and hike with.  I didn't realize homosexuals were so outdoorsy.  I never came across him during my years in San Diego, but recently discovered him online searching for a running buddy.  I answered his profile and went from there.  Since it was supposed to rain we decided to meet for coffee instead and possibly go for a run along the river.  I decided to focus on general conversation skills since we would be running side by side for a long time.

Post Analysis:

I was a little apprehensive going to meet him, mostly because of the weather.  It was windy, slightly rainy, sort of cold, just a mediocre wanna be winter day at the end of April.  By now throngs of homosexuals should be at nude beaches and outdoor patios at homosexual bars with happy hours that start at 8am and end at 7:59 am.  Jesus the homosexual (Jesus isn't his real name, however when I asked him to text me his first text was "This is Jesus.") and I met at a cafe near a river entrance.  We decided to leave the pussy homosexual tendencies aside, fear no rain and go for a run along the river.  First we would meet for coffee.

I arrived at the coffee joint listed in google - it was a cafe, as in restaurant that serves coffee to its seated patrons.  Jesus was late in arriving.  I texted him that the place wouldn't work so he picked me up and we headed to starbucks.  The rain was misting down, so my hair was moist but not wet.  Going in starbucks Jesus headed straight to the bathroom.  Maybe he too was assuming that we would "hookup?"  I went to the counter and ordered, wondering why he didn't say "can you get me a . . . " or "would you like me to get this?"  So I just assumed he was more focused on releasing his private parts instead of purchasing brownie points . . . I mean coffee.  As I waited for mine, Jesus came out of the bathroom, looking relieved (and slightly ethnic, maybe mexican, maybe asian - I wondered) he ordered a drink and was denied.  His card was declined.  I thought for a second I feel stupid I brought just 5 dollars and no card and here I am unable to be a gentleman.  He thought "Here I am Jesus and my card doesn't work, on top of this i am ethnic and it makes me look like a shaddy unibomber from Columbia."  The barrista made his drink and gave it to him on the house.  He either felt sorry for him or thought Jesus was cute.  Personally I think Jesus used his powers on him and they were working on me.

We headed to a gas station to attempt his card and it was declined again.  He called the bank, as i patiently waited sipping my latte, and found they has discontinued his card and didn't inform him that Chase no longer used Mastercard, they now use Visa and all cards will be replaced.  I felt sorry for the guy cause little did he know he really was on a date and he was winning points in the most round-a-bout way!

We headed back to my car and parked them near the entrance to the river.  It was raining and i had a jacket that was soaking up water like a sponge.  He offered his water resistant jacket in his car.  Bonus points.  Please note, some homosexuals are gentlemen, this one in particular might not buy you coffee but he'll protect you from the rain.

We headed for the trail, dodging wind and rain.  At first we didn't run, in fact we speed walked the entire way.  During the walk we went past a bathroom with a homeless man coming out.  Jesus never blinked once to go in the bathroom and utilize it the way homosexuals do.  There were many secluded grassy nulls next to the river, Jesus led the way through hilly dirt trails but never once decided to suggest the nasty.  I even decided to relieve myself in the bushes, Jesus ran to a top of a mound and looked the other way.  I guess my water wasn't going to be turned into wine.

We saw so much wildlife, ducks, geese, ducklings, deer and students.  We stopped to look at the flowers, went by way of hidden trails, we walked along the paths and made paths of our own.  For over two hours we walked up and down the river chatting away.  The spontaneous choice to head to the river for a run turned out to be such a great experience.  The rain dwindled away.  Despite being wet, it wasn't cold or gloomy.  The sun peeped out from time to time, causing the ripples in the river to smile.

As we returned I suggested that this might be a date!  He texted me asking my intentions.  I told him I had none.  I told him I had a great time just doing that.  Having someone to run with, not feel the complications of impressing each other, just talk and maybe if something comes up, it does.  For now we shall grant him scores that qualify him for a second date, ie another run.

Score:

Paul: B+
Jorge:

Bill from Philly

I started talking to Bill on one of those internet portals where homosexuals gather. We eventually moved from the site's message system to IM where we spent most of the morning talking about the basic things. Work, pets, places of origin, etc.

Found out we both have dogs, we both seem to be feeling the same about the homosexual community. It seems like he shares a lot of the things I like and dislike, which also seems to mean that he suffers from some the same social issues I do, like being shy and not talking to strangers, but over the internet we were able to tear down that barrier.

We talked about meeting of course, and tentatively scheduled a date for Friday night after 9. We agreed to meet at a non-homosexual place, and since it was after 9, we were left with very few options and decided on Denny's. I wouldn't want others to think that my pretend homosexualism was getting to me if we were to meet at Mo's (a place we both agreed is not our favorite, so that got him some points).

After getting home from the gym, I had a text from him letting me know he was feeling a little tired and would rather move the date to another day, but asked me to call him later to chat before going to bed. A phone date? Hmm, haven't had many of those, so it was a good experiment.

Post analysis:

After eating dinner, I gave him a call. He promised me he didn't have a lisp, he didn't lie. He has a nice voice and we were able to talk for about 2 hours about many things. There was no awkward moment of silence and time flew by until we realized we had been on the phone for a long time. I was able to keep asking the right questions to keep the conversation going, we stayed on non-sexual topics and had constructive discussions.

So date 1 I would say was a good one. Since it was a phone date it will be harder to judge the interaction, but it still deserves a grade of it's own.

Homework Grade:

Jorge: 90%

Paul: B

The Indian from L.A.

Stats: Josh recently moved from L.A. to a location down the street from me. He is educated and witty. I met Josh on a website for homosexuals. It took me days to find this website because without looking you wouldn't think homosexuals were associated with so many happy people. The website is gay.com. Josh has proven to have a great sense of humor. Case in point he is Indian and when I asked if he was a dot Indian or feather Indian he reacted without offense. He is a dot Indian. Already Josh has given me his stats. He does cardio at 3am because it's the only time when he can meditate and enjoy no one in the work out area. Although he has informed me of them, has not shown any photos of private parts. He has one photo of his face on this happy site. Josh insists that he is shy, which is why it has taken a week of text messages to meet him for coffee.

Tonight I will meet Josh for coffee and I have decided to work on my conversational skills. When the conversation dwindles and there is nothing more to talk about I will ask him something about his life to seem as though I am interested in him. I will work on listening and finding ways to get him to open up. I will see how listening and engaging him in conversation can break down the shy barrier he has. I am also going to work on raising barriers and not putting the focus of the date on me. I will do what I can to deflect conversation back to him. My goal is to have a conversation at Starbucks for at least one hour.

Post analysis:

I would call the date a success from the parameters set for conversation and length. We spent over an hour chatting about various subjects. At first he seemed timid and uninterested, later I saw he was nervous. Nervous on a date? Who does that? Maybe it's just a homosexual thing.

I figure I would begin the date by arriving at Starbucks early. I would set up the environment so that it was inviting and interesting. I ordered a fluffy tea drink and brought another man. H's love tea and threesomes. Well the other man was Thomas Jefferson and he spent the whole time watching us and teaching us about leadership. He arrived and grabbed a drink and sat down. His iced latte confirmed that his name was Josh.

We chatted about various subjects and eventually started to find commonalities between us. He doesn't watch television or movies but he has seen all of Will and Grace and could discuss Six Feet Under and all Tarantino movies. Hmmmm. At many points during the date the conversation dipped just a little. A couple of times I was more interested in his eyes. He had allergies and when he looked up, his hat ceased from shading the redness (ok I thought his eyes were cute!). I told one scandalous story from my post-college years but refrained from anything else that would project me as a frat boy. I focused on his family and life here. We were playful in speech, or maybe he does have a sling device that has an alarm so his niece and nephew don't touch it. In the middle of the conversation he said I looked cute. I replied a quote from the gay handbook "Oh I just threw this on!" Little did he know I was brushing my hair down for hours because I haven't had a hair cut in 3 months! After discussing movies and getting near the end of the date he told me his apartment was around the corner but he doesn't hookup. What does that mean? Doesn't hookup. Urban Dictionary suggests that he meant he doesn't get me a free stuff, deal or sleep together on the first date. I guess he assumed I wanted relations. I said no problem I wasn't looking for sex (good save huh!). He confirmed that he doesn't invite people over on the first date but perhaps he would love to have me over to watch this movie I chatted about "Paris, Je T'aime" and watch a Tarantino movie.

We headed out to the parking lot, Josh, myself and Tom in my back pocket. He pointed out his apartment window and I replied, well I know where to climb later tonight! He laughed without making it sound like I was stalking him. If only he knew he was homework. Maybe he might be on an exam who knows.

This experience got me to thinking, do homosexuals want to hookup after a good date. When conversation flows and the loans start to spark, is the bedroom the next stop? I wonder how many of them hookup even if the conversation is uneventful but the package is on cruise control. There were several moments when we discussed movies and things that I never felt like I wanted sexo with him. I wouldn't have minded footsies but still I just enjoyed being able to converse and find myself focusing on having the conversation move instead of "does he like me?!"

There is one note to the date. I did let him know that my one quirk is that every year i see one or two random naked people. He informed me that wherever he goes, the homeless person picks him out for a donation. With our powers combined, walking side by side in a downtown area, we should be seeing a lot of homeless naked people.

Homework Grade:
Paul: A-
Jorge: 90%